How Impoverished Modes Begin,
Develop, and Get Stuck
How To Get Out Of An Impoverished Mode
Equobenity of Impoverished Modes
How they begin
1.Excess. Excess is the usual villain. Excess of success. "But my business is going great guns! Why change?"
"It's out of proportion. It's only out of proportion. How can you explain to somebody who hasn't got a sense of proportion?"
Richard P Feynman, "The Meaning Of It All: Thoughts of a Citizen-Scientist" (Perseus Books 1998, page 105)
2. "Motivated reasoning" the psychologist's term. It is also called "blinkered reasoning and "confirmation bias." It is a subjective equobenity, that is, an opinion or an action devoid of necessary objectivity. Here is the impoverished mode of this equobenity:
T.
one switches back and forth between e. and the q.
we practice and learn the difference
we have a successful, loving life
e. subjective opinion
Benefits: (examples)
1. the apple tart looks good for me
2. I'd never have yellow in a bedroom
3. Cities are too noisy for me
4.
5.
etc.
|
q. objective opinion
Benefits: (examples)
1. As a doctor I think ---
2. It's been proved over and over--
3. Weight once again please--
4.
5.
etc.
|
the extra places for opinions
and the "etc."
these are the most important elements of the equobenity structure
this is because we are all so different
all equally gifted with opinions
and with the right and the capacity to express them
the "etc." takes this open invitation as far as it possibly can go
u. always subjective in your opinions
never objective, results in:
1. no rationality in what you think
2. "motivated reasoning"
3. "blinkered reasoning"
4. no opinion but mine counts
5. no one asks your advice
6. you're unhooked from reality
7.
8.
etc.
|
q. always objective in your opinions
never subjective, results in:
1. no emotion in what you think
2. lack of sympathy
3. lack of empathy
4. unless subject to proof an opinion
is of no real interest
5. no one can stand you
6.
7.
etc.
|
g.
if you have ossified into being
only objective or only subjective
you will suffer from being ostracized
treated like an outcast
never taken seriously
your predictable opinions will seem trivialized
nevertheless you won't die
unless
you (stupidly, unconsciously) jeopardize some project
and, for some earth-shaking reason, you are murdered
in order to let the project move to completion
Someone who is always, and only, pleasing h/imself (and with intelligent luck sometimes pleasing others!) is often in impoverished modes and never knows it.
When family and friends know h/e only responds subjectively to problems and events, they can often calibrate their own choices to make everything work out all right. The ramifications of subjective equobenities can get ugly.
There is a foggy line between the equobenity and the impoverished modes. The person who is afflicted with being either overly subjective or overly objective becomes forced to rely on what family and friends tell him about himself.
• • •
How impoverished modes develop and get stuck
plus: from u. to o. and back again
Equobenity: e. extraverted, people person q. introverted, thoughtful
Just prior to a first step down toward an impoverished mode you are in the e.:
You are in full possession of the e., the equobenity position. Feeling (and being) successful is a great pleasure. It also often (or always?) makes you feel more powerful. In these unclouded feelings you seem to become a finer, stronger person; you become more expansive, perhaps more generous, perhaps more tolerant. If you are a people person this is what you've been looking for, why you made the choices you have been making.
First steps down:
One day you notice you have failed to respond to someone's question; you have gone right on with what you were saying. One evening, after a busy day, you suddenly remember you hurt someone's feelings by failing to acknowledge the work s/he has completed for you.
Second step down:
You are aware of having repeated these and other insensitive acts, but you don't care. You know they won't abandon you. You say to yourself, "They'll understand. They are happy for me. I make them happy."
Very near the bottom:
You do notice some friends don't call as often. You try to be little more sensitive to others, but basically you don't care. You have begun to take rather large decisions by yourself, without the former careful consultations. Your former pleasure is diminished but you tell yourself, "All good things get diluted by time. It's like being in love. The first surprise can't last." But if pleasure is much diminished or absent entirely, your sense of power has grown. Your sense of your own power seems to buoy you up so you keep going.
Staying on the bottom. A whole new kind of pleasure:
People's reaction to you has changed. The sense of your own power (to charm, to persuade, to use others and then drop them) has grown. People seem nervous around you, perhaps craven, perhaps hiding anger. But because of your power they haven't dared confront you. They do as you want them to and leave as soon as they can. You love feeling the effects of your power. You see how people are forced to react to you the way you dictate. The pleasure has returned. You have become someone to avoid, someone not to recommend for jobs or interviews, help or understanding. But your power is only enriched by this. Soon you will stop changing and growing. You will be stuck, mesmerized by your power.
• • •
Alternative to going to the bottom. How to get out of an Impoverished mode
You notice what is happening to you, what has happened. You don't like it that you didn't notice how you'd neglected someone and hurt someone's feelings. You notice that the pleasure is diminished or gone but that your feelings of power remain. Once in a while you suddenly see yourself through other's eyes.
You pay attention to the drying up of friends' calls. You pay attention to what a person says to you, what your best friend, your favorite sibling says. You don't mind that is very hard to take. You take it.
You look at the equobenity map and see what the alternatives are. There are two good ones and two bad ones. The good ones: you notice the "other side", what would be the q. half of the equobenity. And you start to develop it, to learn it, to live with it and watch it work.
Or you can go back up to your own original e. position. This is harder. It will have less clarity. But it may be important to do this.
The two bad alternatives:
A major problem is lying in wait for you: your sudden realization of what has happened to you, that you are down in your own u. position. You become upset and very dramatic: you jump out of u. and land in o. You become ultra sensitive, but in a fake, uncharacteristic way. This makes people who love you think you've gone off the deep end. After awhile you can't stand all the sensitivity "mush" and back you go to u. --and then maybe back and forth again. The second bad alternative is not to pay any attention, preserve the important feeling of power, and end up, perhaps in the g. position --but that is more your fate than your choice. It is curious that there is often an attraction between the two impoverished modes, the u. and the o.. This is the danger: a dramatic emotional and cognitive reversal without having developed any real understanding or feeling for the q..
Actually, the above impoverished mode would be pretty easy to escape. You just have to be willing to pay attention and get a little help from your friends. Otherwise you will just get more and more intrusive, didactic and conceited and you'll have a lonely old age.
• • •
Here again is the equobenity into whose web you have fallen. Like it or not, you became fully involved and landed in the u. position, the down side, the impoverished mode. And yet, in the beginning, it was so easy, so clear.
Context: You are a people person. Everyone says so and loves you for it. Let's say you are happily in the e. position. But you pay no attention to the "other side of the coin", the q. position. The results are all too predictable.
e. people person, happy extravert q. thoughtful, somewhat introverted
• • •
Equobenity of the Impoverished Mode
What doesn't kill you strengthens
What doesn't kill you teaches
What doesn't kill protects
What doesn't kill enables
What doesn't bend creates flexibility
You are tested
You stop being bored
You have something to talk about
You have something to complain about
You have something to talk a therapist about
Three Sets Of Parents In Typical Impoverished Modes
Full structure of equobenity:
Equobenity's lower triangle, the triangle where impoverished modes are found:
After describing only the impoverished modes of these parents the question will be asked: "What were the equobenities of these people, both as individuals and as parents?"
• • •
Context: Two people unite and become the pair of individuals whose children are in their care. Both parents are loving and observant. but one is outspoken while h/is spouse is quieter, given to pondering and second thoughts. As long as they are in the e. and the q. position, they are equally loving and supportive of each other and of their children.
Equobenity with its T. position and the impoverished lower triangle:
T.
children gain different strengths from each parent
and no matter what they themselves are growing through
they feel safe and loved at all times
e. father is self-confident, has a
definite value system, in fact has
definite ideas about just about
everything; he is warm-hearted,
loves, and verbally appreciates
his wife and his children
Benefits
1. children are loved and also challenged
2. happy and strong in their search for independence
3.
4.
etc.
|
q. mother pays more a attention to both feelings and to alternatives; tries not to
make assumptions too quickly; she is very loving and caring about details
Benefits
1. children are loved and feel safe to be themselves
2. safe to doubt, to change, to double back, to start again, to regret, to always feel loved
3.
4.
etc.
|
Can there be any equobenity
where it is more important to leave
extra spaces
and the Etc.?
Equobenity is without value
if different reactions and opinions
are not provided a definite, reliable way to be expressed
and heard.
u. always being the dominant figure, and being "right", never mellowing, learning there are "other ways" of being strong,
results in:
1. you become predictable, boring, not good to be with
2. your children, once open and and willing to try everything, withdraw
3. children stop asking questions and expressing their own ideas
4. children are unhappy and have no one to talk to about it
5. children choose friends for the wrong reasons
6. is a divorce in the offing?
7.
8.
etc.
|
o. always the more passive figure, open to hearing others and being "wrong", never stepping up to the plate, discovering other kinds of interior strengths.
results in:
1. you become useless when sudden, real action is required
2. your children, once free and willing to try everything,
3. children are called "fraidy cats" at school
4. children are unhappy and have no one to talk to about it
5.children choose friends for the wrong reasons
6. is a divorce in the offing?
7.
8.
etc.
|
g.
one way or another
the whole family is becoming
or has become
dysfunctional
however,
this g. position does not indicate
a position of hopelessness
no one is psychologically dead yet
This equobenity is repeated now with the wife and mother in the e. position and the husband and father in the q. position.
e. the wife is lively, energetic and
optimistic, always on the go but ready to stop and listen, carry others along with her, with her ideas, her plans, her sunny disposition.
Benefits:
1. children adore the fun she always brings with her
2. children trust themselves to experiment with "fun" and "games"
3.
4.
etc.
|
q. the husband is introspective, scholarly, grounded in who he is and why he's doing the work he has embarked upon, adores his wife but is too fulfilled being himself to
have once thought about being "like" his wife
Benefits:
1. children feel at peace in his presence; they feel his harmony
2. children learn from hearing him talk; he answers serious questions
3.
4.
etc.
|
see above for the absolute
need of extra spaces and the
etc.
u. always lively, enthusiastic and optimistic, never quietly thoughtful or connected with others in their own, different ways of being, results in:
1. you such an airhead!
2. children have only the one dimension to relate to so they begin to feel lonely
3. children withdraw from all your cheerful ideas and stop trying to be that way themselves
4. children choose others to be with, friends who do more harm than good
5.
6.
etc.
|
o. always sober, serious, involved with intellectual work, never letting himself be enthusiastic, have fun and look on the bright side, results in:
1. how old and boring, how predictable you have become. Get a life!
2. children take a long time to realize you only see things from your own intellectual point of view
3. children leave the shadows you have around you, and go looking for sunshine
4. children choose others to be with, friends who may do more harm than
good
5.
6.
etc.
|
g.
one way or another
the whole family is becoming
or has become
dysfunctional
however,
this g. position does not indicate
a position of hopelessness
no one is psychologically dead yet
psychological abuse
may ensue
if there is sexual abuse
we are dealing with a dead person
• • •
Second set of parental equobenities and their impoverishment
Context: A couple born to poverty in a community which survives on mutual help, have always talked about emigrating to America or to Europe. It turns out the father always was serious and the wife always knew she would never want to leave her own large, interdependent family. The poverty was not bad, kind of predictable, something real to complain about, always about to get better. The young age of their several children gave her a cushion of safety as her husband was as realistic as his wife about what they would be facing as arrivals in a strange new culture with no multi generational family around them for mutual aid.
But their youngest child, a son, is now twelve and the father is pressing to make the move. To strengthen his case, a neighboring family to whom theirs is very close, is nearly panicked by two sons who are becoming contemptuous of parental outlooks and discipline, contemptuous of the stability afforded by long cultural tradition. The boys' nearly fanatical attitudes are fueled by rootless city boys whose alluring activity in the drug world is threatening the cohesion and harmony of the boy's personal family as well as the cohesion and harmony of the far more widely connected family group.
Equobenities and their impoverished mode
e. to emigrate, hoping for positive change q. to stay put and deal with their own reality
It would, and has, taken an entire book to sort out all the equobenities everyone is about to be involved in, and then to follow each one to its decision. It is enough to say that while both sides, in their repetitious arguments for their own desires will many times find themselves lapsing into one or another impoverished modes. This being a strong and happy family, neither husband or wife wishes to accept the corrupted strength such a lapse can bring, much less remain in whatever impoverished mode it is: loud voices, doors slammed, trumped up accusations, feelings ignored or hurt, secretly getting family members to support one side and not the other.
But no matter how wisely and lovingly this major decision is handled, either the wife will give in and prepare for a trip and all its unknowns. Or the husband will give in, turn face from the west and face into the local but increasing winds of novelty and danger that have already made progress against his family's everyday expectations.
But let's leave this happy family that one way or another will deal with these issues, solve them, overcome the difficulties and prosper. Let's look at a couple who harbor childhood scars and fear. In the face of decisions one of them retreats into a collapse for which a doctor must be sent. The other digs in h/er heals, refuses all compromise until defeated s/he retires into a life of angry blame where all glasses are half empty and shouldn't have been filled in the first place. S/he will make herself miserable but making everyone around her miserable will give her such twisty-mouth pleasure, such inner explosions of "I told you so!" that s/he herself is positively happy.
By the time this movie is over the city druggies will have moved in, the children will have been removed by the extended family to a safer location, one parent will have become an alcoholic and the other --oh well, it's in the news every day.
Third of parental equobenities and their impoverishment
Context: She was a trophy wife though he didn't admit this to himself. What he did say to himself, and in no uncertain terms, was that this wife wasn't going to give him any feminist-type trouble. His money would keep her quiet. To cinch it, she'd already escaped her hard-lot family in the southwest, had no siblings, and the friends who might have been strong enough to support her had been left behind in Portland, Maine. He'd taken her, and everything else to Miami. Yes, there are men like this. Builders, manipulative, knowing what they want and how to get it. Not ten years later he was wondering who the hell she'd found to talk to. The ideas she had! She was working for PBS in Miami and partnering its President during the bi-annual fund raiser. And she had never even once complained to him, about their life, their friends, how the children occupied all her time and energy; she'd never complained about him and how his only conversation was about money, where it was, how it grew, what it cost. She was really good to him. And to the children. She was not neglecting them. They really were the great kids everyone said they were. What the hell! He felt all the tables had been turned on him. People thought he was great because she was great. They had lunch with him so they could talk about her, everything she was doing for Miami, and in so many ways. It made him wonder who he was. How did he fit in? It seemed everyone was walking all over his money, walking all over it, figuring it out and using it for a new music and art school, a training and job oriented community college, and figuring out how to attract the best teachers to the public schools and pay them well. And giving was him the credit, the publicity. Sure this was great for business! Everyone thought he was great. But did they? What was the truth? Did he and she do any of this together? Or did she do it all --behind his back. And he loved it. Or did he? And did he love her? What the hell!
The equobenities that come and go in the passage of time are like the waters of a great river. At any given moment you can name them, you can watch as they falter, as they pick up, shift and move on in the guise of being something else -- something else. If you don't look sharp they've all fallen away in a great delta with the ocean is lying beyond.
the g. position.
The g. is a stand-in for the word 'garbage'. In terms of a person's value to the world when s/he has fallen to unreachable depths, s/he has become garbage. H/e has become something to be carefully disposed of. Although a certain portion of garbage can become the nutrients for an always desired compost heap, the fact remains that until this transforming event takes place this small potent potentiality remains garbage: smelly, disgusting to handle, harmful to anyone who messes with it.
Of particular interest in the following quotation is the prisoners' human, and humane, question concerning their tormentors. They wonder what went so terribly wrong in their tormentors' past that they have been left entirely devoid of fellow feeling and capable of despicable, conscious and repeated actions. Everything but the need to endure has been stripped from the prisoners They are left physically and mentally naked; they have no reason to hope for any kindness other than death. Nevertheless, out their own extremity they look beyond to the human mystery of those whose cruel power is total.
"One way to survive in a labor camp was to determine what might elicit the commander's anger and to shape one's own behavior to avoid it. But Kozma's triggers were delicate and mysterious, his moods volatile, the roots of his neuroses hidden in darkness. What made him so cruel to Lieutenant Horvath? What made him kick his gray wolfhound? Where and how had he gotten the scar that bisected his face? No one knew, not even the guards. Kozma's anger, once evoked, could not be turned aside. Nor was it reserved for men like Andras and Mendel who received special privileges. Any form of weakness drew his attention. A man who showed signs of fatigue might be beaten or tortured: made to stand at attention with full buckets of water in his outstretched arms, or perform calisthenics after the workday was finished, or sleep outside in the rain. By mid-September the men began to die, despite the still-mild weather and the attentions of Tolnay, the company medic."
"At two o'clock in the morning Kozma might wake all the men and command them to stand at attention until dawn; the guards would beat them if they fell asleep or dropped to their knees. Other nights, when Kozma and Horvath drank with fellow officers in their quarters, four of the labor servicemen might be called to come before them and play a horrible game: two of the men would have to sit on the other's shoulders and try to wrestle each other to the ground. Kozma would beat them with his riding crop if the fighting wasn't fierce enough. The game ended only when one of the men had been knocked unconscious."
"The Invisible Bridge" by Julie Orringer (Vintage Books; A Division of Random House, Inc. New York; 2011; page 622)
What has to happen to produce such indulgence in cruelty? Is cruelty only revenge for wrongs received as a child? Can jealous envy, born of deprivation, account for such savagery? Or can it be learned, the way games today encourage players to try on different identities, identities where you, as student, do as you please: run people over in your virtual car, stab, strangle virtual individuals, a rogue form of student, a rogue teacher? And while the Tilt effect is always at hand, offering choices of less hurt, not more, there are always individuals drawn to the lowest of atavistic opportunities. If the opportunity today is "only a game", "tomorrow maybe it will be real, tomorrow, with luck, with Hitler's help, we hope it will be real."
Taking first prize in architecture in Paris how could Andras possibly have known where the forces unleashed by Adolf Hitler would take him? And if it was already too late, what could he have done about it?.
• • •
Humans seem to mark off stages as we lapse from an equobenity into its impoverished mode:
• from skepticism to doubt to disillusion to cynicism,
and then, with luck, with smarts, we start off from the impoverished mode and leap diagonally up from u. to q., or from o. to e.. Or perhaps we go straight up from cynicism to reluctant surprise, to hope, to openness, to possibility, to trust and belief, and from one side of the equobenity to the other.
Are there stages from e. to q. as well? From q. to e.? How often is that movement a leap, a surprise?
• from skepticism and doubt to being willing to defer judgment, to reluctant agreement, to
enthusiastic agreement and certainty
The above scenarios are, of course, different for different people, different circumstances. These possibilities for movement are merely possibilities. Also, all the stages on the way to someplace else can be, under the right circumstances, equobenities or impoverished modes. Doubt, skepticism, disillusion, can be the very thing a situation requires. And as for the e.s and the q.s, regard the leap taken by "old Scrooge."
The Impoverished Modes
garbage, the g. position
The g. position
in the structure of equobenity
of the two triangles below, the bottom is the one to avoid
This describes the depths of evil to which m/an is able to descend. Its purpose is not to document the many kinds and styles of slaughter, the way slaughter has been with us since the beginning, and that there is no group of individuals exempt from its profound temptation, children, women and men of every race and nationality. This is merely some of the actions in the life of one man.
Overwhelmed by the world's wealth of evidence, this one long quotation is presented as sufficient.
From Jill Tweedie, "In The Name Of Love"
"Fritz Stangl was an ordinary Austrian cop when he met and married Teresa, his wife. He loved her and she loved im and they continued to love each other for thirty-five years until they were parted by his death. A-AH. How romantic. Mind you, Teresa Stangl admits she was terribly angry when her husband volunteered to join the Austrian Nazi Party:
'I just knew that one day he wasn't telling me the truth. And the thought that he had lied to all this time, he whom I had believed incapable of lying, was terrible for me. And to think --oh it was a terrible blow, just a terrible blow. My man --a Nazi-- It was our first real conflict --more than a fight. It went deep. I couldn't --you know-- be near him, for weeks, and we had always been so close; this had always so important between us. Life became very difficult.'
"But not, of course, too difficult. Love surmounts such obstacles, this is what love is for. Frau Stangl, a devout Catholic herself, managed to surmount the next obstacle, too, though with misgivings. Fritz signed the Party's form renouncing his allegiance to the Catholic Church. 'That was the second awful blow for me: finally we couldn’t talk about it any more.'
"To test her love further, Fritz Stangl was sent as police superintendent to a pleasant, well-to-do suburb of Berlin, to the General Foundation for Institutional Care. There he was told his future duties. He reported to Schloss Hartheim, pleased still to be in Austria and close to his beloved wife. His duties were to supervise the gassing of 'patients' --the first stage of Hitler's euthanasia programs. For years, while countless thousands of 'patients' were killed at Hartheim, Fritz Stangl saw his wife frequently. She asked him what he was doing but only casually, since she was used to her Fritz being unable to discuss service matters. Frau Stangl was, on her own admission, aware of the existence of the euthanasia programme, but says she did not know Schloss Hartheim 'was one of those places' till after the war.
"Fritz Stangl's second promotion made him Kommandant of Sobibor. 'I can't describe to you what it was like,' said Stangl to Gitta Sereny who interviewed him in prison after the war:
'The smell. Oh God, the smell. It was everywhere. Wirth wasn't in his office. I remember, they took me to him --he was standing on a hill, next to the pits --the pits--they were full --full-- I can't tell you; not hundreds, thousands thousands of corpses --oh God. That's where Wirth told me --he said that was what Sobibor was for. And that he was putting me officially in charge.'
"Now Frau Stangl was married to a man whose work was supervising the mass murder of a race, a promotion from merely gassing those considered 'unworthy to live', the criminally insane, the mentally deficient, the tubercular and, of course, the odd gypsy, homosexual, and political hostage. Under Stangl, about 100,000 men, women and children were gassed. Herr Stangl ordered specially tailored riding-boots, white jodhpurs and jacket. Staying at a nearby house on one of her visits to her husband, Frau Stangl was told by a drunken officer exactly what was happening at Sobibor. She was horrified.
'When he rode up and saw me from afar, his face lit up --I could see it. It always did --his face always showed his joy the moment he saw me. He jumped off his horse and stepped over --I suppose to put his arm round me. But then he aw at once how distraught aI was. "What's happened?" he asked. "The children?" I said, "I know what you are doing in Sobibor. MY God how can they? What are you doing in there? What is our part in it?" '
Fritz Stangl eventually calmed his wife, telling her he was only in charge of construction work. She says she cried and sobbed and couldn't bear him to touch her.
'He just kept stroking me softly and trying to calm me. Even so, it was several days before I --let him again. I can't quite remember the sequence of events, but I know I wouldn't have parted from him in anger.'
"Not long afterward came the final promotion. Herr Stangl was made Kommandant of Treblinka, the largest of the five death camps in a two-hundred-mile circle around Warsaw. He described his arrival there:
'I drove there, with an SS driver. We could smell it kilometers away. When we were about fifteen, twenty minute’s drive from Treblinka, we began to see corpses by the railway line, first just two or three, then more, and as we drove into Treblinka station, there were what looked like hundreds of them --just lying there-- they'd obviously been there for days, in the heat. In the station was a train full of Jews, some dead, some still alive. Treblinka that day was the most awful thing I saw during all of the Third Reich, it was Dante's Inferno. It was Dante come to life. When I entered the camp and got out of the car on the square I stepped knee-deep into money: I didn't know which way to turn, where to go. I waded in notes, currency, precious stones, jewelry, clothes. They were everywhere, strewn all over the square. The smell was indescribable: the hundreds, no thousands of bodies everywhere, decomposing, putrefying. Across the square, in the woods, just a few hundred yards away on the other side of the barbed wire fence and all around the perimeter of the camp, there were tents and open fires with groups of Ukrainian guards and girls --whores, I found out later, from all over the countryside-- weaving drunk, dancing, singing, playing music.'
"But efficient Stangl took over, cleared up the mess, planted flowers on the station banks and began to welcome the transport trains from Warsaw. Five or six thousand Jews were gassed daily before lunch under his aegis, then he ate his meal and had a little nap. There he ruled, there men were hanged upside-down, there dogs were trained to attack the genitals. The official figure given for the deaths Stangl supervised is 900,000. A polish underground worker, a station supervisor at Treblinka from the day the death camp went into action to the day it was razed, counted every truck that passed, the figures of its contents written clearly on its sides by the ever-efficient Germans.
" 'I have added them up over and over and over,' he says. 'The number of killed at Treblinka was 1, 200,000 and there is no doubt about it whatever.'
"And what of the loving wife during this time, the wife married to the man name in an official commendation as 'the best camp commander in Poland'? Why, she was busy with women's work. On one of his brief visits to her 'we started our youngest, Isolde.'
"Can we excuse Frau Stangl, say she was a victim of events she never understood, believe she was bewildered and confused, afraid for her children, caught up in the general chaos of the holocaust? Surely we can say, at the very least, what could she have done? How could she, a mere woman and loving wife, possibly have attempted to change the inevitable?
"Gitta Sereny put a question to her after husband's death in 1971:
'Would you tell me what you think would have happened if at any time you had faced your husband with an absolute choice; if you had said to him: "Here it is; I know it's terribly dangerous, but either you get out of this terrible thing, or else the children and I will leave you." If you had confronted him with these alternatives, which do you think he would have chosen?"
"Frau Stangl took more than an hour to answer that question. She lay on her bed and she cried and then she composed herself and answered:
'I have thought very hard, I know what you want know. I know what I am doing when I answer your question. I am answering it because I think I owe it to you, to others, to myself: I believe that if I had ever confronted Paul (her pet name for Stangl) with the alternatives: Treblinka or me; he would --yes, he would, in the final analysis, have chosen me."
"Teresa Stangl, a small pretty woman from Linz, could have persuaded one of the nine camp commandants of Nazi Germany to leave his post and flee. It is impossible to tell what repercussions this might have had, how many others might have been given a flash of humanity, a burgeoning resistance, through this event. But though she loved her husband deeply --because she loved him deeply-- she did nothing. No one had ever suggested to her that love has some morality, that to be 'in love' did not excuse horror outside the cozy family circle, that responsibility to the outer world must intrude. Blinkered, devoted, worried but faithful, whenever she had the opportunity she received her man into her bed. fresh from the naked shit-stained Jews, clutching their babies, whipped into the chambers. And in so doing, she lived out to the extreme the article of our faith: love conquers all."
Jill Tweedie, "In the Name of Love" (Pantheon Books: New York, 1979, pages 50-54)
Impoverished Mode
Collective Evil
What follows is a fictional description, spoken in 1516. A thoughtful person describes how one, nearly innocent form of evil ratchets up to the next, and worse, evil.
The fact that it is a fictional voice does not make it less true; the fact that everything the speaker foresees is set in fiction, the novelist looking backwards to history, does not make what the speaker says any less powerful.
" 'This ghetto has engendered in me visions that turn my blood to water,' he confided, as we drifted away from the forbidding facade with its patchwork of blind windows.
" 'But surely the Senate will relent in time.' I could not bear to think that others less fortunate might be immured there for all of their lives.
" 'I wish I could share your optimism,' he replied. 'But I fear my vision of the future is much more bleak than yours. In my prospect, this ghetto in Venezia is only the first. Soon another will spring up in some other city -Parma perhaps or Trento- then another and yet another until finally there will be a ghetto in every city. At this moment Venezia is no longer a place where Jews can live freely. Soon Italy itself will not be a fit country. And not long after, other nations will follow suit and there will be no place for us in all of Christendom.'
" 'Oh, that could never happen!'
"'Oh yes it could,' he corrected me. 'And my bones tell me it will. Today the Venetians say the sight of Jews is an offense to God. But I say that the sight of many people is an offense to men and once you begin to enclose the outcasts in some place set aside, there is no end. For, even as a Jew is an offense to God, a poor man is an offense to one with a full belly and a madman is an offense to one who has all his wits about him.
" 'Here in this cursed year of 1516 the Venetians have put their Jews aside out of sight in an enclosure where they cannot offend the pious eyes of Christians. But Jews are not the only pariahs. Mark me, we will be followed by other despised groups. Would it not improve the landscape of the city if the citizens were not forced to smell the filth of the poor or to expose themselves to the anguish of the mad? Why not enclosures for them?'
"There was a terrifying logic behind his argument that drove me to follow him down a dark path where I had no wish to go. I placed my hand on his arm in a pathetic attempt to stem the flow of his imaginings. But he was not yet done.
" 'I predict that as certainly as the night follows the day it will not be long before these pariahs -the sequestered ones- are seen to be the authors of their own misfortunes. That will be the means of perpetuating the enclosures. Mark me'- he was thundering now like an Old Testament prophet- 'it will not be long before the victims of these sequesterments will be blamed for the crime of having brought misfortune upon themselves. They will be accused, jailed, whipped, like common criminals. After many decades -or centuries- they will be gathered up like a crop of rank weeds and burned.'
"From where, I wondered, did such thoughts come to him, thoughts so morbid, so fantastic? It was too bleak a vision of the future for me. But that night I fell asleep wondering. Supposing what he foretells comes to pass? Who will want to live in such a world?"
The Secret Book of Grazia dei Rossi, Jacqueline Park (Scribner Paperback Fiction, published by Simon & Schuster Inc., 1998; page 434 and 435)
Fast actions on the field
Poniktuk is an Arctic village so isolated that even in the late 20th century the ancient relationships between animals and people, while no longer all-powerful, nevertheless persist. At the same time Larry Osgood's novel "Midnight Sun", depicts Poniktuk as it is being encircled by the modern world, with officials who are comfortable with "tradeoffs" and phrases like "land use" and "aboriginal rights."
The novel's third element involves a pair of young American honeymooners, Ralph and Gwen. They have decided on an ambitious canoe trip into the Arctic wilderness, a trip planned to end at the mouth of the Blackstone river in an Arctic bay near Poniktuk. They have modern equipment but no local consultation.
During the course of the following excerpts we see:
• Ralph go from e. self-confidence to q. doubt, and then from q. doubt to doubt's
impoverished mode, o. doubt. He doesn't see these two parts as connected.
e. self-confidence q. doubt, uncertainty
• Ralph doesn't see communication and the desire to protect as both possessing two parts.
e. to communicate q. to keep silent
Silence is working just now and Gwen remains happy. She has received no hint of his suspicions that they may be lost. Ralph believes in protecting Gwen and he likes her happiness.
e. to protect Gwen q. tell Gwen of their reality
Ralph stays too long in q. and goes to its impoverished mode, o.
Ralph has fallen into two impoverished modes: an excess of wishing to be the protector plus an excess of keeping silent about his suspicions that something has gone wrong.
When, suddenly, marvelously, they come out on the river just where the map had said, just as Ralph had kept on hoping, we see him do what so often happens to people who don't realize they are in the impoverished mode and so do nothing to change it. He goes from an excess of anxiety to an excess of joy and in this excess of joy, joy's impoverished mode, Ralph throws caution to the wind. He looks up from the river and waves ecstatically up to his wife who is on the cliff top above the gorge. As he waves, the canoe hits a submerged rock and goes over.
Here is Osgood's text:
Ralph
" "This is it, Gwen, it has to be! We're right here looking at the Blackstone canyon. And all that' –he waved at the cliffs and the boulders—'All that is the famous black stone of the Blackstone River!'
"His laugh floated through the billows of noise rising around them."
… "—running these rapids was going to be pure joy. But that wasn't the only thing making him happy: they were in the clear. No more worrying, no more pretending. All they had to do till the end of the trip was enjoy it. One more week. Christ, how he loved being on this river now!"
… "As he entered the choppy waves at the beginning of the rapid, he threw back his head and let out a full-throated, joyous howl. Then, stroking furiously, he sped toward the boulders. … Stroking, prying, drawing, back-paddling, he twisted and turned his way through the massive rock field, strength and skill and happiness propelling him. When he reached a short stretch of fast flat water, he turned in his seat and waved toward the top of the cliff. As he turned back the canoe struck a half-submerged rock, rode up it, pivoted, rolled sideways, and threw Ralph into the river."
• We see Gwen in the e. of hope suddenly being flung into the q. of reality.
• • •
Exposition on, and further equobenities from this wilderness canoe trip
e. self-confidence
|
q. doubt
|
Context: Self confidence becomes extreme anxiety because Ralph hasn't yet admitted that they may be lost. Actions that were executed brilliantly are now interpreted in a negative way. It's as if instead of blaming himself for getting lost Ralph is laying blame on some inappropriate, passing event. He hasn't considered the following equobenity, one that is universally present.
e. I am thinking clearly
Benefits
1. One can proceed with confidence
2.
3.
etc.
|
q. I must be careful as I am not thinking clearly
Benefits
1. One proceeds slowly, on the watch for harm.
2.
3.
etc.
|
also:
e. protect someone from (fear) q. communicate a problem
T.
Being aware
of the two sides
allows you to carefully
choose
which action is the most
appropriate for each particular moment
e. protect someone from fear
Benefits
1. Protector feels "noble and
and strong" see below
2. The one protected goes on continues in innocent enjoyment. Everyone happy.
3.
4.
etc.
|
q. communicate a problem
Benefits
1. you remain equal
2. two can be better than
one in solving a problem
3. Everyone worries together
4.
5.
etc.
|
u. always protecting, never communicating, results in:
1. irritation and then anger: "Why do I have to be the one to always do the worrying. Come on guys!"
2.
3.
etc.
|
o. always communicating, never keeping fears to yourself, results in:
1. an impression of lack of judgment, maturity
2.
3.
etc.
|
Here is the novel's excerpt for the equobenity of speak/keep silent
whether for the reason of being protective, or any other reason.
Before the accident and when Gwen knew nothing of Ralph's worries:
"As Gwen reached stroke after stroke into the smooth water, the landscape around her folded her slowly and steadily into herself.
"Behind her, Ralph was not happy. Between strokes he glanced at the knapsack pocket where the useless map was tucked away. He hadn't liked deceiving Gwen, but he felt he had to protect her from the possibility that they were lost. He had to pretend he knew where they were. But lying to her just now about the distance to the hill had made him feel something other than noble and protective, as he usually did when he considered how he was keeping his fears to himself. It made him feel angry."
"Midnight Sun" by Larry Osgood (Goose Lane Editions, Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada; 2005, page 92)
"As Gwen fell asleep and he finally undressed and lay in the sleeping bag beside her, the events of the day would pass before him in review. Each day ended was a day survived, he told himself, and at first this sensible thought brought him ease. But after a week on the river, with each day's travel taking hem deeper into mapless wilderness, some malign quirk of recall began to rob the day's events of their reassurance and infused them instead with risk. An artful paddle stroke that had brought the canoe gliding perfectly into an eddy at their lunch stop lost its artfulness and seemed only lucky. A fractional change in the stroke, he now saw, would have flipped them. A manoeuver around a rock in midstream during the afternoon, executed in real time with unthinking skill, in retrospect looked ill-advised, even clumsy.
"When these distortions first invaded his nightly reviews, Ralph tried to shake them off … But once begun, the malevolent recapitulation wouldn't stop. He couldn't control it. Helplessly, behind closed eyes, he'd watch the day's successes turn themselves into narrowly missed failures or dangerous judgment calls."
"Midnight Sun" by Larry Osgood (Goose Lane Editions, Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada; 2005 page 92-93)
(What if Qaddafi had been able to wonder just how clear his thinking was, and ask it again and again as he and his country collapsed deeper and deeper to harm. Perhaps the more one sees oneself as "the protector", or as "the ruler", the harder it is to bend one's thought and wonder about clouded or unclouded clarity.)
The next excerpt is Gwen's.
Context: Watching from the overhanging cliff Gwen has seen her husband paddling strongly and avoiding the dangers of this unknown river gorge, treacherous with boulders and very steep. Exultant in the joy of his effort Ralph has chosen a flat spot and turned to wave triumphantly to his wife. As he turned back the canoe hit a half submerged rock and turned over. The canoe and Ralph go separately through the gorge, around its bend, and out into the river. Gwen has seen this appalling accident and races across the cliff, and down its grade to the level of the river where she continues to run, catching up with her husband's body, loosing it on the other bank, and then catching up again, all the time determined, hoping, perhaps even expecting, to be able to reach her husband and somehow drag him to safety. She is in the e. position, below.
Equobenity:
e. to hope q. to accept reality
T.
It is possible
deep inside oneself
to believe or hope, at the
same time being absolutely realistic.
It can be tricky.
Sometimes the change from e. to q. is sudden.
e. hope, belief something is possible
u. always maintaining hope that something is possible, never facing the reality that it won't happen, ever,
results in:
1. a life of blind illusion
2. a waste of time for you
3. a loss for those around you
4.
5.
etc.
|
q. facing the fact that it is not going to happen. It's over.
o. always thinking something won't or can't happen, never hoping or believing it could
results in:
1. no effort expended to try
and make something
2. you become dry, cynical
3. you never have a helluva good time
4. you are self-righteous
5. you know dreary people
6.
7.
etc.
|
g.
in this case, Ralph's death
In the following excerpt we go back to the moment Gwen who begins hopefully, in e., gradually goes down toward u., and then suddenly goes diagonally up to q..
"The morning after Ralph drowned, Gwen was back on the cliff top where she'd left her knapsack. When her legs had been able to carry her no farther the previous afternoon, she'd dropped to the ground and given up trying to catch up with Ralph.
"The enormity of what had happened hit her then, and a sound came out of her throat that shattered the silence of the tundra air like an animal's cry. She hugged her knees and rocked herself. Eyes shut tight, she sobbed and moaned and sniveled and gasped until her grief exhausted her. Then she sat still. Dry-eyed, she stared at the river and hated it.
"When the sun eventually set and the half-light of the Artic summer night spread across the landscape, Gwen had begun to shiver. When she stood up and beat her arms against her chest, she still shivered. Teeth chattering, legs shaking, she had started walking back along the riverbank, her mind focused solely on reaching the sleeping bag tied to her knapsack where she's dropped it. She walked all night."
"Midnight Sun" by Larry Osgood (Goose Lane Editions, Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada; 2005, page110)
e. closeness to a spouse
shared intimacies
|
q. necessary separation between any two individuals, including a beloved spouse
|
e.to consider and make up your mind alone, in your own heart
|
q.to share with others all questions and the choices that must be made
|
e. resist, struggle
|
q. accept, endure
|
e. seek and find peace
|
q. maintain a high level of intensity and search
|
e.to consider and make up your mind alone, in your own heart
Benefits:
1.you can be true to your own deepest hopes and needs
2.you can take all the time you need
3.
4.
etc.
|
q.to share with others all questions and the choices that must be made
Benefits:
1.you gain perspective on the situation
2.you learn about the person with whom you are sharing
3.you become closer to him or you move away
4.
5.
etc.
|
u.to always consider and make up your mind alone, never share questions and concerns, results in:
1. loss of perspective
2. over evaluation of your own opinions
3. automatic rejection of another perspective
4. you become a growly hermit type of person
5.
6.
etc.
|
o.to always share your questions and concerns, never consider and make up your mind alone, results in:
1. danger of paying so much attention to other’s opinions that you lose touch with what you yourself most desire
2. loss of self
3.
4.
etc.
|
e. closeness to a spouse, shared intimacies
Benefits:
1. deepening of trust
2. deepening of love
3. becoming a loving person
4. increased capacity for life
5.
6.
etc.
|
q. necessary separation between any two individuals, including a beloved spouse
Benefits:
1. maintenance of the sense of one’s authentic self
2. strengthening one’s authentic self
3. loving perspective that is important to the spouse
4.
5.
etc.
|
u. always closeness, never separation, results in:
1. danger of losing one’s sense of the authentic self
2. failure to quite grow up
3.
4.
etc.
|
o .always separation, never closeness, results in:
1.failure to develop the capacity for intimacy
2.danger of becoming a loner
3.
4.
etc.
|
e.
e. resist, struggle
Benefits:
1. you may win
2. you are strengthened
3.
4.
etc.
|
q. accept, endure
Benefits:
1. you may survive
2. you are strengthened
3.
4.
etc.
|
u.to only resist never accept,
results in:
1.defeat somewhere along the line
2.distances you from the quieter things of life
3.
4.
etc.
|
o.to only accept never resist,
results in:
1.your becoming a wimp
2.loss of what you care
|
e. seek and find peace
Benefits:
1.peace, contentment
2.achievement of goal
3.
4.
etc.
|
q. maintain a high level of intensity and search
Benefits:
1. excitement and challenge to exceed yourself
2. great networking possibilities
3. alienation of self
4.
5.
etc.
|
u. to only seek and find peace, to never maintain high level of intensity and search, results in:
1. failure to exercise all aspects of the innate self
2. you are useless in the pressures of decision making
3.
4.
etc.
|
o. to only maintain a high level of intensity and
search, never to seek and search, never to seek and find peace, results in:
1. failure to exercise all aspects of the self
2. people find you exhausting
3.
4.
etc.
|
e. What's done's done. I can't do anything about it; I need to learn to live with it.
|
q. The effect of what's done can be undone, slowly, with tender understanding, forgiveness, and the courage to make changes
|